you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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