ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
