I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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