is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
