At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
