he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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