he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
