I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
