Your dad touched me again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
