It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
