Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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