***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
