I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
