I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
