well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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