After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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