My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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