i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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