my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
