yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
