IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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