I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
