you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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