me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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