I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
