Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
