I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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