as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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