So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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