And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
