best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
