If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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