time to smoke my breakfast
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize