My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
