Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
