your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
