All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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