My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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