Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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