i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
