if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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