So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
