Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
