2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
