I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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