Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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