I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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