I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This baby is an asshole
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
