My room smells like vodka and shame
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
