the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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