My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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