hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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