i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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