it wasn't lemon gatorade
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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