Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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