my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
