Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
