Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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