Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Four minutes until I can fart!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize