I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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