her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there's paper in my vomit.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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