literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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