Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
