his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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