i don't plan on having that self control this summer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
