White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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