then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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