I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
