Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
