If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize