So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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