So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize