i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
