come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize