the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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