Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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