Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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