he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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