I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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