Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
