Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
