I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize