he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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