my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Even my vagina gasped.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
