His pubic hair was longer than his dick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize