She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
