i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
