I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
