I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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