God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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