I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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