bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
