SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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