The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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