On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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