girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
