I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
