We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
