i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
