I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My feet surprised me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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