you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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