i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
