Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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