I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize