Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
