he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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