i don't like sucking hair
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize