I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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